Omani Women's Day

Mornin' Everyone! His Majesty Sultan Qaboos declared October 17th 'Omani Women's Day'. Today and everyday I'm proud (naturally) to be an Omani woman living in this country. I complain a lot (I know I know), but to be honest I live a much better life here than I ever did abroad. Legally, Oman rocks for women. We can work, drive, vote, and pretty much do (and wear) what we want. There are no laws controlling how women live their lives. Last week the first sailing program for Omani women was launched.. we have female ministers, doctors, professors, entreprenuers, and ONE female in Majlis Al Shura (our version of parliament). 43% of private sector jobs apparently are held by women (according to today's Muscat Daily). All in all, Oman is a great place for women.

My rants have always been about how 'society' controls women, not the government. Our government gives women every chance to excel if they want to, ....... and if their fathers, brothers and husbands want them to.

If you live in Muscat and you're a female in yours 20s-30s, that means you probably work, drive, meet your friends for coffee, and make your own decisions most of the time. If you live outside of Muscat, the situation is different. When people read about Oman, they are more likely to read about women in Muscat. Their achievements, their privileges, their opportunities, and the awesome lives that they live. Women's sailing clubs? Why not! Afternoons with your friends banana-riding it at Sawadi resort? Bring it on! Female bikers? Sure! Gyms? Shopping? Businesses? Hobbies? Sports? Swimming pools? Everyone loves Muscat!

I can't speak for the rest of Oman, but in Salalah life sucks half the time for women. I'd like to think that everything is just fine, but I have to be honest. Men still control most of the women here. Women are chaperoned, controlled, and told what do do most of the time. Sure, tons of girls go to college or university but the moment they graduate, men control where they apply for jobs, and whether they can work or not. You work hard at college, get your degree, then your 'man' tells you that you are only allowed to work in a school or any place where your colleagues will be women.

He can tell you to 'cover your face' when you're with him in the car because some passerby might see you. He can tell you to not sit in the garden because the neighbor's twelve year old son is on the roof. He can forbid you from visiting your friend (who lives up the street) because she's not related to you and it's therefore inappropriate. He can tell you to hide in your bedroom becuase the plumber is coming in to fix your toilet and he shouldn't 'see' you. He can force you to tint your car windows so people don't see you when you're driving. He can pop into your office at any time to 'check up on you' and make sure you're behaving. He can demand a portion of your salary every month because your'e a 'woman' and you don't need it whereas he does. It can be your father, husband, distant cousin or even your 16-year-0ld brother. As long as he's a man, he can control you.

I hate to sound pessimistic but I can't lie. This is the case with a large percentage of females in Salalah. Things are changing rapidly but it'll be years before your average Dhofari young woman can apply for her dream job without consulting her family, or sit in the public section of a cafe or restaurant with her friends, or even throw off her face veil without causing World War III in her tribe.

As many of you know, I spent five years abroad. FIVE WHOLE YEARS on my own. Cooking for myself, living by myself (almost), and taking care of myself. I ran the MSA (Muslim Students' Association) by myself and traveled halfway across the world twice a year on my own and believe it or not, I lived without the abaya (please distinguish between abaya and hijab. I would never ever take off my hijab) for five years. Scandalous. (no one cared though, as long as I kept it all to myself and far away from Oman)

When I came back for good, I felt like an outcast. I made my extended family nervous. My aunts and uncles were nervous about letting their daughters hang out with me because I may lead them down the path of sin (for real?). I quit going to family weddings because people stared at me and whispered. It's not that I look different, but people just looked at me and assumed that I was a wild thing. Until this very day, three years later, my female cousins have never been in the car with me. Too scandalous for their families. Going out with me may - heaven forbid - encourage people to talk about them. Remember, 'people' control how you live your life here, so you have to follow their rules.

When I bought my adorable car, about 1633 distant male cousins openly objected. My father humored them when all I wanted to do was tell them to sh*ve it! For years he's been telling me to just relax and humor the so-called 'people' who feel it's their duty to tell you how to live your life. I've become accustomed to humoring them most of the time, but every now and then I lose my patience.

For the past two years, people have been approaching my family regularly about my 'situation' (i.e. unmarried and way too independent for their taste). According to them, I'll be a spinster forever unless I get married now. Also, according to them, no one wants an independent female so it's better to accept any man who comes along and thank my lucky stars that someone agreed to marry such a wild thing.

People still see me driving in the street and feel the need to report to any man in my family that I was 'seen' in 'public'. If I'm at a restaurant (hidden in the family section with my sisters), I text my brother and bet 5 rials that someone is going to see my car and call him and tell him I'm at the restaurant. He thinks it's hilarious.

After endless discussions about this with my independent female peers, we've come to the following conclusion: "In Salalah, if you're a female, you can work and drive and go out and live your life .... as long as you're not 'seen' by anyone". Basically, try to remain invisible. My friends have come to accept this as an unwritten rule, but my question is ... WHY accept? Why conform? What's so wrong about being out there? WHY can't I give the plumber instructions instead? WHY must I cover my face when we're driving through a crowded place? Why can't I join a committee at the handicapped children's centre? WHY can't I talk about Female genital mutilation with anyone? (why the hell is it still practiced in the first place?) Why does it make my male cousins uncomfortable to think of me working with men? Why does it upset you so much that I drive? Why must I tolerate you marrying a second wife? Who gave you the right to inform me that 'it's time' to get married? Who gave you the right to demand my salary because I'm a woman and I don't need it? Why the hell is it taboo now to fly to Muscat on my own when I spent five years flying across the planet alone? Why?

I struggle on a regular basis because I'm a woman in Salalah. Along with my peers and friends, we've agreed to slowly work together to push the boundaries. People tell us to just go along with the society, because it'll never change. I refuse to believe that. We will continue pushing boundaries until we can pave the road bit by bit for Dhofari women to live the life they choose. Along with fellow female Dhofari bloggers Susan & Mimi, I will fight against discrimination and I will win. I believe that. I am able to see how women have progressed in Muscat and I am able to envision how I can help to bring about change in Dhofar and I can help to empower women.
On the occasion of Omani Women's Day, I will renew my determination to make change happen. If you're a woman, belive that you can do anything. Throw a pebble in the water and watch the ripples. Even the smallest person can make a change. I have faith in Oman and I have faith in Omani women. We can do SO MUCH if we just set our minds to it. Anything is possible. Do not give in to society's demands. You are beautiful, you are smart and with a little empowerment you can do anything. Believe in that.

Regards,

Nadia (your self-proclaimed feminist)