Wednesday, April 20, 2016

To Marry or Not to Marry

I know the title sounds like Gucci is contemplating marriage, but the post is not about Gucci. It's about something that has been frustrating to me these past few weeks. I know I know, I tend to write when I'm mad, frustrated, on a roll, angry. Trust me, these feelings generate good posts. Happy posts just ain't my style unless I'm talking about Onken yogurt or coffee.

So, as someone who works in a relatively senior position where people are constantly trying to convince me that they need to be hired, I am faced with all types of people.

98% of them are absolute losers who are unemployed for a reason. 1% are professionals who are seeking to switch organizations and build their careers. 1% are the incredibly smart fresh-outta-college kids who have great potential but don't realize it yet. I tend to zoom in on this minority. They're the best part of my day. As for the other 98%, if I'm in a normal mood I'll give them no hope and gently end the conversation and hope they leave. If I'm in a good mood I'll give them shit about getting their lives together and give them advice on how to apply for jobs and write a CV. If I'm in a bad mood, I call security. 

Anyway, this post isn't about my job. It's about the types of people who come asking for jobs (the lazy ass college graduates who can't write a CV, the people who don't want to go to college and think they can get a comfortable office job with a high school degree, the people who think their connections will get them a job, the people who think they can charm me into hiring them, the people who use the "we're a charitable case" line, etc. The list is long. Little do they know that large organizations like mine have strict recruitment procedures including psychometric testing, English testing, and in-depth interviews. You don't get hired unless you're human gold. Period. 

Today's post is about a relatively significant percentage of the 98% male trash who come for jobs. Normally their fathers or uncles come (never could figure out why). These are the guys who either never finished college, never started, or finished and have been at home for years doing nothing (like zero). Their parents find a girl for them, and think that by marrying them off they'll somehow magically mature and find a job.

It doesn't work.

I have met SO MANY of these people, it's an epidemic. I don't know if it's the same outside of Dhofar, but we have this shitty terrible habit of arranging marriages at a young age when the guy doesn't have a job. Why do they do it? This is my theory: 

1) The guy graduated (or didn't), has been sitting at home for years sleeping and staying out all night with friends. He's useless. His family are fed up with him. Let's find him a bride in hopes that she'll "straighten him out". (sounds risky to me). 

2) Let the boy complete half his Deen (religion) and get married. It's Islamic. Marriage sex will keep him away from the dark side. God will bless him with a job later. 


4) His brothers are getting married, so let's marry him off along with them. Bil Marra. It's cheaper. 

5) If he's married, companies and government are likely to take pity on him and offer him a job. I swear this is the case most of the time. 

I could think of more reasons once I've had my second cup of coffee. 

Anyway, it's the year 2016. Life is hard. We're in the middle of an oil crisis. The cost of living is not what it used to be. Families can't continue to support useless young men who can't get their shit together, let alone married ones. They are expensive (petrol, pocket money, clothes, food, cigarettes), let alone a wife and babies (diapers, milk, bottles, etc etc). Who is supposed to pay for them?! This is why I have so many fathers come to my office asking us to hire their useless sons. They can't pay for them anymore. They're tired. They're frustrated. I often just want to shout at them "Why did you marry them off when they had no means of supporting themselves or their wife/babies?!!!". 

In an ideal world (and in my head), a young man/or woman first finishes high school, then goes to college or university, then spends a year (or two? or more AT LEAST) working, growing up and learning about life and adulthood. THEN get married. First learn about responsibility, about yourself, about bills, about where you want to go in life. Go out, travel, learn, experience. 

Then again, my ideal world is very different from the one I'm living in.

What are your thoughts? 



  1. I like my grandfather's solution on useless sons (my father---who is now a very productive individual---wasn't always): don't marry useless sons off. Kick them out. Let them live on the streets. Serious. a Homeless man actually taught my 15 year old father how to stay warm, and be grateful, and work hard. Then he came back to finish his school, worked a million crappy jobs, trained for a real job (then he got married). I mean, I married young, a guy without a job, and worked and supported us, but we were okay waiting for kids. We didn't want to mooch off my family because there's no way a single working spouse in an only okayish job can support a family these days without mooching off their parents (just saying).

    In my husband's family (interior) they usually don't let girls marry guys who haven't got a decent job (or whose parents aren't extremely rich and like, give the new couple a house in their name as a wedding present if dude's like, just a guy who drives a truck for pepsi or something). But they have smaller weddings than most Dhofaris;) and smaller mahers for guys who work, than losers. Loser get charged massively huge mahers, so at least, if the girl has to lose the loser after having a baby, she can afford to go to university and have a housemaid watch her kid to get on her feet while getting over said loser:). Seems to work generally well for this generation. I don't know if that is just is family though, or beyond them. Women from the village don't like to tell me (a blogger) their tragedies;).

  2. Love it. And trust me, there is this syndrome not just among the Omanis and Dhofaris but ALL over the world. My parents got my brother married hoping "he would settle down". All it did was give us all two more mouths to feed and support.

    So I hope all those fabulous "parents" read your post and wise up on their parenting skills. They need to take responsibility too!

  3. Everywhere is same concept of marriage in middle class families. I agree with you about the marriage concept in the ideal world....

  4. Modrn ideas in a Muslim world. Good luck at convincing all'em down there.

  5. Why you still don't have share buttons to social media?

  6. Fadhila - I'm not a tech person. Tell me how :)

  7. Children are always like a mirror of their parents. How this 'useless' young man can learn about life if nobody teaches them in younger age? It are the parents to get blamed.