Sunday, September 6, 2009

Internet Dating - Oman

Drumroll, the post is finally here! This post is dedicated to Zain because she was the first to choose my next topic. I'm writing about internet dating/secret relationships in Dhofar, because I can only write about things I'm 100% sure of. I cannot speak for the rest of Oman because who knows? Don't attack me here; I'm just writing about what I've experienced and seen and what I know. Where do I start? How about the relationships between men and women in Dhofar? That sounds right.
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Society in Salalah is extremely conservative, and by conservative I mean that until very recently (10 years?) men almost never saw any women who weren't very close relatives. When girls turned 10 or 11, they were told 'Enough playing with boys. You're grown up now'. Girls never go anywhere without an escort. Women stay at home, and whenever any woman (over the age of about 18) goes out, she has the burqa *face veil* on. Girls and boys go to seperate schools, and even when they go to college it's hard to interact with members of the opposite sex! Has anyone been to Sultan Qaboos University in Muscat? Until very recently there were seperate halls for boys and girls! Any young woman caught talking to a guy outside class was sent a warning note. I saw it with my own two eyes. I went to SQU with a team (consisting of men and women) and an administrator approached me (thinking I was a student) and told me to not walk around with guys and didn't I know the rules? I was completely shocked. I was there on business! She didn't even check if I was a student! I assume things are a little different now, but that was a shocker for me. That was four years ago.
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So, let's thinking logically here. When you're told 'No, you can't do this', what's the first thing you do? Of course, you start telling yourself ' I must do this!'. الممنوع مرغوب Relationships between unmarried/unrelated men and women are so taboo that most young Omanis want to try it. I'm not talking about getting into bed with them; what I mean is that females and males are curious to know what it's like to befriend members of the opposite sex. Especially the age group (15-25) .. and yes those are my own statistics. But how is that possible when they're never left alone? How are they supposed to meet guys? The answer is: They Don't. From an Islamic point of view, young people aren't even allowed to think about members of the opposite sex until they get married. Well, welcome to the real world where girls as young as 13 and 14 are watching Desperate Housewives, Friends, and romantic Western movies. You think they're all watching this crap and not thinking about guys? You think young people are virtuous individuals who refuse contact with members of the opposite sex? Of course not. How about the young YOUNG guys who get their hands on porn at the tender age of 12 or 13? Yes, in Salalah. Our modern world does not encourage virtue, sadly. Yet, Salalah does not encourage such relationships. Many parents in Salalah monitor their daughters' phones, to ensure they're not carrying on a relationship with a guy/several guys. So how do they do it? *drumroll* ... The I.N.T.E.R.N.E.T.
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With all due respect to Dhofaris, we've got to face the fact that most parents (the ones over the age of 40-50) are uneducated. There were no schools when they were young, so they're almost forgiven. Parents are not educated enough to know that having a television and computer in a teenager's bedroom is dangerous. Meanwhile, the generation of current teenagers/young people are so technologically advanced that they have one two even three cell phones, a television set with every channel in the book, a laptop, a secret internet modem, etc, etc. They're all wired up and ready to take on the world. The difference between my generation and my parents' generation is beyond scary.
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My friends who went to colleges in Oman said that during their years at university, the main event was 'chatrooms'. For example, guys and girls from the Salalah College of Technology would log on to certain chatrooms (ever tried Ali Baba?) and spend 4, 5, 6 hours a day chatting with one another. Of course, their parents don't know (they just thought their kids were doing homework on the PC), and hey, it was fun because they were talking to guys in a virtual world. But these were real guys who went to class with them! Of course, they never used their real names. The game was to figure out who went by which nickname in chatrooms. They wasted so much time, but it was exciting for them. Their only real contact with guys. Of course, through these chatrooms, there was attraction. Guys and girls would branch off into private chatrooms and spend hours getting to know one another without even exchanging names. Finally, the guy would say 'I love you', and the dumb naive girl would totally fall for it and think she'd found the love of her life (don't laugh, it's real). They would email and chat for a while, then he'd ask for her number. She'd refuse several times then she'd agree and give it to him (thinking he was the love of her life). He'd play around for a while and they'd talk on the phone to the early hours of the morning. Finally, he'd dump her OR he'd go telling his pals that he was 'talking' to the daughter of so and so. That's Salalah's worst nightmare; ruining a girl's reputation. Any girl who has 'talked' to a guy is socially considered a slut. Excuse my French but welcome to Salalah. Hey, did someone forget to mention that over 80% of girls in this town have had at least one 'secret' relationship? In fact, arranged marriage is becoming extinct. Girls and guys have decided to find their own life partner. Someone they like, and someone they want to share their life with. It's their right, yeah? Not in Salalah it ain't. It's so taboo that young people are forced to make it 'secret'. It's a daily struggle in our town, and something we cannot deny.
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I know of an American researcher who studied the concept of phone/internet dating in Oman. Most of his research was done in Muscat, but a friend of mine helped him study Salalah. I think he held about 80 anonymous questionnaire interviews in Dhofar, and the results were a little astonishing. Only 2 out of the 80 stated that they had never spoken to a guy/girl before on the phone, etc. He targeted young people in the age group (18-25). No kidding.
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Enlightening Anecdotes:
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Note: I've changed a couple of details to conceal the identity of the victims (!):
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(1) Girl falls in love with guy through Al Sabla forum. They watched each other's comments for a while then he asked for her email address, and she agreed of course. Soon, they exchanged phone numbers and thought they were in love. He wanted to marry here, but they both knew their families would never agree because she was in Salalah and he was from another part of Oman (yes, that's taboo too). He convinced her to run away from home and come with him. She ... AGREED. Did I forget to mention that she was only 19 years old? She started planning her escape. It was all perfect. Thank goodness, dude dumped her a week before the planned escape. This story is true.
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(2) My fifteen year-old cousin, I discovered, has a very active internet life. Want to know how I discovered this? She asked me about a colleague of mine at work (29-year-old man). I was like 'Why the hell are you asking about him?'. Her answer was 'Oh, he hasn't appeared on chat for a few days and I was beginning to worry about him'. She said is so normally. As if there was nothing wrong with what she was saying. Hello! This girl is FIFTEEN! And my colleague is a 29-year-old married man with two kids. It's not his fault, he probably doesn't know how old she is and I'm not going to discuss the fact that he may be cheating on his wife. It's not my cousin's fault. She's a dumb teenager. I personally think that it's her parents' fault. Why does she have a laptop in her bedroom? Do they not understand how dangerous that is for teenagers? I spoke to her older sister and told her to deal with it. I wasn't ready to get involved, nor was I ready to ignore it. I don't want to see that kid get hurt.
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(3) My friend discovered that her 17-year-old sister was carrying on a relationship with a guy she saw once at the Salalah Tourism Festival. He was working at one of the booths and gave her his email address. They emailed and chatted for a couple of months, then exchanged phone numbers. Furthermore, my friend discovered that her sister was sending him photographs of herself via MMS. Do I need to mention that these photographs were without her hijab on? Hello? Again, where are the parents?? I gave my friend a long talk about not allowing teenagers to spend too much time alone and to watch their behaviour. My friend was so upset and didn't know what to do; whether to tell her parents or talk to her sister or confront the guy.
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(4) A girl I knew very well in high school dropped out of college for a whole semester in her third year. Are you ready for the reason? Her parents discovered that she was in love with a guy at college and they were talking on the phone. So, they pulled her out of college and locked her up at home for a semester hoping that'll teach her a lesson. Furthermore, they took her cell phone away. Is that the way to deal with it, mom and dad? Sounds like a recipe for trouble.
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(5) I'm not even going to start discussing the Dhofari Facebook Phenomenum. That's going to need a seperate post.
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(6) I'm telling you honestly that about 75% of the girls I know have had a 'secret' boyfriend at some point over the past couple of years. This would sound perfectly normal if we were in ... Chicago. But, hey, we're in S.a.l.a.l.a.h. We're trying to hold on to the traditions and values we grew up with. I hate it when teenagers throw these values away.
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And hey, don't accuse me of being 'against' guys and girls talking. I'm totally with it, if both parties are mature enough to handle it. I studied with guys abroad and got used to them as 'human beings'. I don't feel the need to carry on a secret relationship. I work with men, and I enjoy it. Furthermore, I'm against arranged marriages and believe that young people in Salalah should have the chance to get to know people in order to find their life partner. I would never trust anyone else with that decision. I can never understand young men who go to their mother and say 'Mamma, I'm ready for marriage. Find me a wife'. It happens here a lot, but I think it's crazy (and yes, that is my own personal point of view).
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Of course, not all of this is negative. Many of my friends fell in love with colleagues at work or from college and talked to them for months/years using a secret phone number that their parents didn't know about (girls are smart). I'll give the example of one of my close friends who did the exact same thing with the colleague at work and secret phone number, etc. When the guy was ready financially for marriage and had discussed it with his parents, he proposed to the girl's father claiming he heard about his daughter and her family and maybe had seen her once or twice. Of course, his speech was perfect because the girl had given him pointers on what her dad likes to hear. Father agrees, wedding date is set, they got married, and are living happily with two young kids. They're perfect for one another, and I love seeing them together. Is what they did bad? Of course not. Not in my point of view anyway.
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So, I'm not here to complain. I need some sort of conclusion. I think parents need to wake up and realize that no matter what they do, their teenagers and older kids are going to want to talk to members of the opposite sex, secretly or openly. Nothing they do can stop them unless they tie them to the bed with chains. This is reality. It hurts, but let's face it. Why not educate teenagers about dealing with members of the opposite sex? How are young girls supposed to know when a guy is playing around with them and when he's serious? Parents still haven't figured out that they need to talk to their kids about dealing with the opposite sex, about relationships, dating, love, marriage, where Islam stands, etc. Otherwise, the kids are going to go out and do it anyway without being educated. Let's avoid all the hurt, pain, and problems and try some preventive treatments. Instead of ignoring the situation, we have to deal with it.
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Finally, I beg of you, help me spread the word and get those computers out of teenagers' bedrooms. Also, why not toss the TV out too? Keep an eye on what your kids/siblings are watching. There is no need for a 16-year-old Omani Muslim girl to worry about who's sleeping with who on Desperate Housewives. It's breaking up society and causing serious problems in families. If you haven't educated your kids about all these things, then don't blame them later when they screw up. Parents are responsible. Furthermore, I think anyone over the age of 21 is old enough to decide what they want to do in life, so let them be, but keep an eye on the teenagers. The more you educate them, the less they'll suffer in the future. I keep on telling my friends 'Talk to your younger siblings. If your parents are too shy to do it, then it's your responsibility!". And yes, some of them have done it, and were astonished to discover that their siblings (girls especially) were relieved to have somone to talk to about these things. Build trust. Teach them about the beauty of Islam and why these things are forbidden. Explain the logic.
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I'm interested to know what your comments are. Remember, this post is about what I've seen, what I feel, and the stories are real. Don't attack me. I'm an honest writer, and my goal is to discuss real issues. Tell me what you think, and if you've figured out any unique methods of dealing with this situation, let me know. Readers' feedback is what keeps me going. Post your comments below, and if you feel more comfortable, email me: dhofari.gucci@gmail.com Any interesting suggestions may lead to more posts. Many of my post ideas come from readers.
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Thanks for surviving the world's longest post. Peace.

48 comments:

  1. Very well done sister!

    Hmmmmm u will have to unveil the mask on your face so you can become Minister of Social Development ;)

    Keep it up. I decided to send u hints on whatever I think is good to write about, as my blog is 1. Arabic and 2. Specialized in Media, Advertising,and Marketing.

    Yours,

    Bader

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  2. Ooops..

    forgot to subscribe to this post in order to get comments directly to my email.

    ;)

    Cheers.

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  3. Salaam

    I agree with u totally with regards to educating parents and teenagers abt the dangers and harms of secret relationships, internet, phone reln etc, today we are bombarded by the media about all kinds of illicit things, and it doesnt help when we condemn our teenagers to HELL for making some mistakes. We need to to make them understand that its difficult being a teenager in todays world but as a parent we are there for them

    I think an open and honest relationship should exist between parent and child, children should not be afraid to speak to their parents abt various issues, but this can only exist if this relationship is built from a young age.

    It will only get worse in the future, im from South Africa and children are starting to have sex as young as 11 and 12 yrs old there, i can see a trend developing in Oman, it starts off like this and if not managed properly the results will be disastrous.

    May Allah guide our youth Inshallah

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  4. Very interesting post Nadia. It is very hard to believe how much is happening with the children without the knowledge of the parents. I think that we are going through a transitional period that is going to be hard as the new generation has drastically different ways of life from those of its parents.

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  5. I loved reading this post since I found myself agreeing with you on so many points. I know I'm only 20 but seriously it shocks the daylight out of me knowing what kids do nowadays. What has happened to the world? Kids as young as 12 are 'dating' and it's scary.
    Kids should not be given too much freedom and if they are (computers in room, etc) then there SHOULD be supervision. Like you said, if the parents can't do it then please let the siblings do it. My own sister played an important role in advising me when I was a teenager, and trust me, it helped a LOT.

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  6. I thought South India was conservative....!

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  7. A couple of days back, I was sitting with my sisters trying to figure out what is going wrong with today's generation!!
    We tried to go back in memory, trying to find stories where we did something remotely similar to what kids do these days .. and were holding our heart wondering what will our sons and daughters do! Allah yister.

    I am all for talking to them, educating them .. constantly reminding them whats right and whats wrong .. but they will do wrong, they will make mistakes .. and what we should do is that pray that Allah makes the adolescence age goes by and they grow up well.
    These topics scares me, worrying for my kids!

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  8. Abu Nafeesa, BlueChi, Um3azzan & Muggle... I agree with you. Oman is going through a scary transitional at an alarming pace. It's all happening too fast. Compare 1980 to now! Or even 1990 when all of us spent our time playing on the street and watching Captin Majid and playing hopscotch. We had no worried in life. Plain innocence. Nowdays the kids aren't kids anymore! Abu Nafeesa, I totally agree that parents should nurture an open and honest relationship with their kids. That is what will protect them.

    And Bader, yes please do send me hints! I get the feeling that we will meet very soon. Keep your eyes open. :P

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  9. First of all, I'd like to thank you Nadia for dedicating this post to me, and secondly, I am a SHE not a HE lol ;) and WELL DONE! Great post girl.

    Well, I agree with Abu Nafeesa that parents and children should have an open relationship as I believe the lack of this to be the leading factor behind this ‘secret dating’ phenomenon. Most Omanis have been raised by parents who enjoy being authoritative more than any other parental role, they yell at their kids when they make mistakes or show extreme disappointment making their kids feel as if a crime has been committed and not a mistake and this leaves the kid with no choice but to do things secretly.

    We cant deny what has become of our world today, ‘taboo’ is near extinct, our kids are exposed to filthy media and surrounded by friends with open lifestyles, and this has indeed made it a harder responsibility for parents, this is why today’s parents should learn how to create that bond and be friends with their kids first at a very young age, let them question and don’t shut them up, have debates with them until they reach the right conclusion and be convinced. I side my voice with the rest that supervision should be maintained, but again, healthy, friendly supervision, not the one that sends a shiver down the kids spine freaking the hell out of them.

    Zain

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  11. Zain! Apologies for the he/she mistake! I know too many male Zains and not one female. I'll correct that now. And I agree with your points!

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  12. Its not only Oman going through the transitional phase but its Global, if i look at my younger teenage cousins and compare myself to them when i was their age - all i can say is "Are we from the same family"
    The challenge is to manage this phase - from an islamic perspective we need to make the Quran relevant to the youth of today.
    I think Sh Khalfan AL Esry is doin an excellent job and his not one of those ulema that condemn u to hell before u even die.

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  13. Hear hear!! I'm Sheikh Khalfan's biggest fan.

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  14. Abu Nafeesa and Nadia,

    Actually Khalfan Esry is having a live show on AL Wisal FM 96.5 at 5:00pm? not sure when it starts, but it ends @ 6:00pm. Yesterday and today the are discussing how to raise kids in an Islamic yet modern way. There was a question by one of the audience asking how to deal with kids when they reach teenage stage. He will be answering that today.

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  15. Oh I had no idea he was on the radio. I'll do my best to listen to it if I'm not in the kitchen cooking! Is it in Arabic or English?

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  16. It's in Arabic (AL Wisal).

    It is broadcasting in Salalah now, so u r lucky u will be able to listen to it.

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  17. 1.By the time you finish reading my comments, most of you(if not all) will jump in playing a hero, defending sweet Nadia(especially the "males").

    2. Dear Mrs. Ms. or Mr. Nadia, your INTERNET DATING-OMAN post is more dammaging and destructive than a full season of Desperate Wives. if, as you claim, you're honest(at least with youself) then read what you have written again, and ask youself "what is the concrete objective behind revealing all this deviant sexually driven stories? will my society benefit from the my narration of teen sexual incidents? what is the negative impact of writing such contents? I truly hope you will look back at what you have written and evaluate it again.

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  18. 3. dear Nadia, remember: right and wrong are not measured by percentage. don't be fooled by how many people "loved" and "agreed" and "thanked".

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  19. Dear BMA,

    You are certainly entitled to your opinion and I appreciate your input. I do not expect everyone to agree with me. However, I believe in discussing problems openly and then figuring out a solution. I get the impression you want us to keep quiet about everything then wait for it to explode? You cannot deny the fact that we have a serious problem with teenagers/young people in Oman. How do you propose solving it? Interested to hear what you have to say. Let this be an intelligent exchange of ideas, instead of being sarcastic & rude.

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  24. Dear BMA,

    Please if you have anything to say to me, then say it to me, and avoid offending my readers. Blogging Ethics. I do not enjoy removing comments, but you have crossed the line. If you don't like reading my blog, then d.o.n.t r.e.a.d i.t.

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  25. Hi Nadia, I would like to thank you for this post and the information that you mentioned.
    I am totally agreed with what you said… the problem is there and we must face it.
    I have no stories to tell here, but if I tell, all will convey the same meaning of yours.
    The issue is how to FACE the problem and how to deal with it, as you said.
    - The old generation offered everything (new technology) for the new generation without knowing the consequences of the new technology (side effects), but the question is WHY SIDE EFFECTS only affecting us (Arabs)? If we answer this question honestly, I think the problem will be recognized and soon will be solved (I suggest this to be one of your future posts Nadia).
    Money, laptops, TV, internet, mobiles… etc, all of that is not enough to build a real independent responsible generation, the parents must spend more time with their children and keep them busy with things that can help them in the future… they must answer their questions without hesitating. They have to be friends to them and give them the chance in discussions.
    I think we are afraid of the future because we feel that we are weak and not feeling the responsibility.
    Big part of the problem(99.9999%) is our educational system… if this system designed by professionals it will help the new generation to deal with the facts of life face to face… the existing system is very poor, it only can produce students who are not realizing their real world and their surroundings.

    How to deal with the other sex is one of our (Middle East I general) main problems. Everything around the new generation is pushing them to search for a secret relationship because (as you said Nadia) they are watching romantic series and movies that show a different and better life than theirs.

    Finally, I think we have to offer the new technology for our children and keep in touch with them, and realize that we are shifting from primitive life to new modern life.
    M.D

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  26. M.D,

    Thank you for your feedback. I agree with you. When you asked why it's affecting Arabs more, it's because we are Muslims and we are trying very hard to live in a world that doesn't always fit with our Islamic beliefs. The world we live in encourages things that are against Islam. This is why we are struggling because we're trying to live Islamic lives, yet we're being pulled by other factors. In countries like the USA, it's not a big deal (the whole dating scene) because they've lost sense of religion and the importance of raising kids with proper morals and ethics, whereas in the Arab world, we're still trying to hold on to the values that were taught by the Prophet Mohammed PBUH over 1400 years ago!! So, this is why it's harder in the Muslim world.

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  27. Dear Nadia and readers,

    MBC4 is operating based on an agenda to:

    1. westernize the Arab girl.
    2. demonization of marriage.
    3. glorification of sex outside wedlock.
    4.rationalization of adultry and premerriage pregnancy.
    5.lesbianism.

    the above goals are mainly(if not strictly) directed towards the young Arab Muslim girls.
    talking about what leads to what, MBC4 is one major source of the scenes in Nadia's post. how many of us can delete MBC4 from our list of channels?!! see! reality hurts.
    final note: am not bored; am sleepless.

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  28. I think we are the problem, we can keep the values and technology at a time, but because we are only showing the values we feel that everyone is going to use the tecnology in a bad way and spoil us.
    M.D

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  29. Dear BMA,

    Does it help to mention that my family do not 'own' a satellite dish? We have Oman TV for emergencies.

    I clearly stated that parents should monitor what their kids watch and get rid of their TVs. Other Arab channels are equally bad. One look at an Arab music video causes instant nausea in my case. Television in general is crap, and if people really want to just watch documentaries and news, then let them buy newspapers and books. Personally, if I were to control the world, I'd ban televisions.

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  30. why learn from others mistakes while you can make your own ?

    Just a thought

    scarlettpimpernnel.blogspot.com

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  31. Dear BMA,

    I dont think u know islam very well, because in islam we appreciate whatever people attempt to achieve with a good intention. And they also get rewarded when they do something, even if they failed to achieve the goal, it is called (ijtihaad).

    So I think you could've daid what you wanted to say in a better way.

    You can say things in so many different ways, but remember that effective communication demands good ways of saying things.

    Thanks (for attempting to express your opinion).

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  32. Nadia kudos to you for shining a light on this topic, if its that bad in Salalah can you imagination the situation in Muscat?!

    I think one would have to dedicate an entire blog to the subject.

    I couldnt agree with you on the point that parents should tune in to thier kids acitivty and break down the communication barrier and talk about these things.

    Tv, computers, mobile phones should be allowed with constant supervision and rules but hey that is just my point of you.

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  33. I do not think that exposing the secret lives of the omani teenagers is hurtful to the society. People here are living in constant denial, whether it's teenage secret dating, massage centers with happy endings, cheating husbands, consumption of drugs and alcohol... The only way to manage those issues is to bring them out into the light and have a rational discourse.

    As for computers and TVs, it's a global problem. There are simple ways to manage this (like no TV after 8pm) and more complicated ones (blocking channels and illicit websites).

    Perhaps there's a business proposition in there: To the technically illiterate parents, we will Islamitize your children's electronic appliances. You want to partner up in this? I can manage the product development (technology) and you take care of business development (sales) :) ?

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  34. I am from the liberal West, so our rules are different you know. ;)

    1. No TV. We don't have one in the house, or rather just a set we can watch the occasional DVD on, but no cable or antenna. We don't watch Desperate Housewives. We don't know who they are, alhamdulillah. Neither does our fourteen year old.

    2. No computer in Billy's bedroom. He has a computer next to ours. We monitor his computer use constantly. And if he misbehaves, he doesn't get to use the computer. And we have a filter to screen out pornography.

    3. Cell phone use is strictly monitored too. Too much texting, too much weird stuff, texts erased etc, the phone goes.

    4. Billy knows about Sabla, on which I am an active member. I would never DREAM of letting him wander freely there. Too much steamy, risque stuff. Even I am embarrassed by some of it.

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  35. It's fascinating to me that Sabla has not just fifteen year old members, but thirteen year old members. And twelve year old members.

    Our youngest member was ten and just turned eleven.

    When our first eleven year old member joined, he asked, "Am I too young?"

    I said, "Yes". But I was in the distinct minority.

    I'm afraid you are getting a situation in which nine year old girls are beginning to flirt with twenty five year old guys and eleven year old guys are beginning to learn to think and talk about girls like eighteen year old guys.

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  36. I think that open parents and supervised contact between young men and women could go a long way to make relations less strained and sexually motivated. A big problem in many Arab countries is that the avg. age of marriage has been pushed close to 30 for men. This is mostly because the families want him to already have a successful career to be married. My husband I were married at 22 and 25 as very poor college students, but the last 4 years of our lives have been the best. Marriage should be the goal, and I think it needs to happen at an appropriate age.
    On the TV note, I was shocked at some of the stuff we saw on TV in Egypt. We own 2 laptops, but no TV's and I plan to keep it that way.

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  37. Hey,

    I was gonna write a response, but it was too long. So i decided to write it as a post instead. Here is the link:

    http://realityinoman.wordpress.com/2009/09/08/dating-in-oman-is-it-such-a-bad-thing/

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  38. Extremely interesting post Dhofari Gucci. I moved to Muscat less than three weeks ago and can already confirm that some of your anecdotes apply to the capitol as well. I am amazed at how technology has enabled young people to carry out clandestine "relationships."

    Interestingly, some Omanis DO realize that these messages through mobiles, for instance, are wrong and go against family wishes. I know of two Omanis (male and female) who went to college with one another in Nizwa and are planning on marrying. But the girl does not agree to send mobile messages back and forth because she feels this is behind her parents' backs. I was proud of this decision for her and proud that she had had the opportunity to get to know this boy throughout college.

    You state that open conversations between parents and older siblings and their children will help the problem. What else can be done to protect young women from being taken advantage of and to make interactions between men and women عادي? Also, I also believe in limiting technology's interference in family life and living in the real world, not the virtual one, but globalization will keep making communitcation easier and easier so these restrictions are harder to enforce.

    I'll keep reading! Check out my blog if you have a chance :)

    http://middleeastnomad.blogspot.com/

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  39. Wonderful template... It's a simply super http://www.itemplatez.com

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  40. I think not talking about the topic wouldn't make it go away. Nadia, its good you are discussing about what is truly going on in your city. As a mother of 2 young children, am constantly trying to make sure that am there for them whenever they need to talk, even if they are way too young for internet/phone chatting. It is true that there is some difference when the parents are educated and are aware of all the *latest* technologies and how some or most of this technologies when used in a negative way would bring in negativity and risky situations in our children. Facing and talking about whatever is affecting our children and society would bring solutions to all our problems. Some people just don't want to talk about it thinking it will just all go away. sf

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  41. hmmmm.. first of all nadia im dhofari too and i agree with everything u said!!
    my friend sent me this link today and while reading ur comments i was surprized with ur knowledge cz most of the dhofaries i know dont even know a word in english>> mashallah keep it up sis and im really excited to read more of ur topics and i truelly want to know u!! hmmz c i dont know why i feel that i know u!!!!

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  42. As-salam alaykou,

    1 - Remove the pc room and instead installs in a room where there is the passage (eg living room)

    2 - install parental control software
    blocking questionable sites: hat + forum + porn + xenophobia etc. ..)

    3 - shared with these children one time per week eg the moments on the web.


    votre frère de france

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  43. ...More

    - Not portable but a tower desktop

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  44. powerofinfinite

    Hi,
    Thanks for great talk Nadia.
    I believe that if parents or sisters and brothers are becoming a great friend to their daughters/sons or to their brothers and sisters, then teenager won't get difficulties to talk with them.. which will prevent them from chatting/talking for long time in the internet or phone.
    The idea is that, teenager should get someone from family to talk with, trust with so they can express what they have inside.

    B.R

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    Replies
    1. I agree.When we only give the internet and modern communication technologies to young people, we are giving them nothing valuable.

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    2. I agree that narration of teen sexual incidents is not at all helpful in itself but I feel that the writer is not aiming to do this. Rather, she is addressing a cultural confusion which is effecting many traditional societies the whole world over.
      It is impossible for me to comment on whether her post is more damaging and destructive than a full season of Desperate Wives as do not come from a society which promotes such, plus until I arrived in Oman, television was never part of our home lives, main cultural sensibilities or widespread sense of culture.

      I am very fond of Oman, her people and fine traditions however I do strongly believe that some discussion about a rapidly changing society is essential for a semblance of its preservation.

      There most certainly are negative impacts to NOT addressing pertinent issues.

      As a respectful, dignified and modest citizen of Salalah, I have been most surprised to note more sexual harassment attempts and indecent invitations than in my entire life so far. This signals to me that there is much confusion about appropriate behaviour and to this end, I promote some airing of the issues that may lie behind such.

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  45. Hey Nadia its a good topic u hav chosen to write about. I would however wud like to ask u whether do u think dat dis situation is there only in Oman or d Arab world. Well i wudnt agree to ur nod. I hav realised that this urge of the kids to be like adults is coz of a much larger problem than just parental control. I m an Indian n I lost my virginity when I was 15. India is too a fairly conservative region when compared with the Liberal west. N i must say I hav d strictest n caring parents u cud ask for!! My opinion on this whole topic is that times are changing. We are living in Materialistic world wherein quality of life is the least important thing. Quantity/Numbers/Figures rule our world now. And I guess we are passing this on to our kids too. But there are other sources too from where our kids can get infected by this Virus I am talking about.
    PS - I guess that the solution to this problem is by not putting pressure on ur kids in any aspect n let them grow at their pace. Th

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  46. Very interesting subject. Just want to say that you can't revert the changes your society is going through. The thing is we went through most of these changes in Europe as well, but what you went through in the last 10-20 years took us 100 years, so it becomes more scary to you than it was to us. But you have to be open about it and not try to prevent what you can't control. Education and understandig is much better than control measures or bans. I understand that you want to stay true to you culture and do what you can to preserve them, but it can't be done by banning something else. You need to find the balance between "modern world" and your heritage, and make sure the new generations are proud of what they are and where they come from.

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