I'm officially on fire this morning, even though it's chilly outsides and my fingers are cold. I was reading my fellow blogger Reality's latest post titled "Less Divorce More Second Wives" . Our dear friend & controversial journalist Saleh Al Shaibany who writes scandalous articles for UAE newspaper 'The National' (remember my article on Omani Zombies? Yeah, that was him), published an article where he suggests that divorce rates have fallen in Oman as more men take second wives. You can read the article here.
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Do you mean to tell me, Mr. Saleh, that polygamy is the solution for Oman's social problems? Pain and broken families is going to solve the divorce problem?? Well Hallelujah! The perfect equation! I have seen so many families torn apart by fathers taking on second wives. Polygamy doesn't work anymore. Yes, there are some rare cases where men know how to treat their wives equally, but the majority of polygamists screw up.
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He's very good at writing articles without expressing his own opinion. The people he interviewed for this article do not represent the majority of married couples in Oman, that's for sure, and he even interviewed a marriage counsellor who had very little sympathy for first wives. “In my opinion, women have only themselves to blame for letting themselves go. They need to look after themselves and stay attractive,” Safiya Suleiman, a 58-year-old marriage counsellor, said.
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EXCUSE ME?
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Women need to look like tarts in order to 'maintain' their husbands? While taking care of a house and kids and a full-time job sometimes? Men are uncontrollable ? Is that what she's trying to say? And is this Safiya Suleiman really a marriage counsellor?? If yes, then perhaps Oman needs to hire more sensible humans to take on such positions.
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Anyway, I think this article is nonsense. Saleh wrote "According to statistics from the ministry of religious affairs, the divorce rate in Oman dropped by 12 per cent in 2008 from the previous year. At the same time, the number of men taking second wives increased by more than 20 per cent"..... Has anyone noticed it's 2010? Why is he presenting us with 2008 statistics? What about 2009? In my opinion, there is no relationship whatsoever between polygamy and divorce rates.
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I should have read the article 'after' my cup of coffee. Now I'm simply annoyed. Not a good way to start my day. I have fresh flowers in my office, though. They should cheer me up.
Don't let this stupid article ruin your day Nadia. It made me pissed when I read it too! But it's not worth it.
ReplyDeleteI think we need to stress the fact that it is NOT okay with us women (yes, im generalizing!) when our husbands, fathers, brother, etc marry a second wife!
Sorry guys, but it is not accptable anymore..
You girls need to speak up ! You need to write letters to the editor of this and other papers !
ReplyDeleteIt is men who let those articles run in the papers; they nitpick the one self-deprecating and deluded "marriage counselor" who blames women for their woes; they spread the impression around the world that polygamy is socially accepted and embraced in Oman.
Let your voices be heard !!!
Hi Nadia
ReplyDeleteIts windy and cold today !
Polygamy= more choices, i.e. good for men.
Why you girls are so angry this morning?
Polygamy is a fact on the Omani ground, the women are adapted with/to the situation. So please لا تخربو علينا the rest of the girls who still accepting to be second wives!
You know that girls in Oman are more than boys, so there must be a solution for such a problem!.
Polygamy = men are stupid
ReplyDeleteOf course there are cases where men marry a 2nd wife for children or other problems...
Some guys do it because it is in "Islam", our religion, so they do it. But why do they even think of doing it? For what purpose?
I would never take another wife because if I do, that means my first wife is not good for me and she may feel very ill from just that thought and I am sure when someone gets married they choose a girl for her good personality and not how good she looks for her husband only!
Men, stop thinking about how to satisfy your urges only and use your brain!! -_-
Ma7feef ... GET A LIFE my friend. I know you don't believe in this. You're just trying to be دحيس
ReplyDeletemahafeef.. your comment is what we usually hear.. the norm.. but the fact is men are more than women in Oman.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, some women are okay being the second wife, but rarely are women okay with being the first wife and having thier husbands get a second!
Nadia
ReplyDeleteDo you want me to أسحب كلامي? give me a rope :)
Yes you can اسحب your كلام with the ma7feef
ReplyDeleteok Nadia
ReplyDeleteخلاص I pull my كلام
My hubby and I were just talking about men taking co-wives this morning. It's not working anymore, because the MEN aren't following what Allah's laws are. They marry the other woman only to find out AFTER they've been married that it's not all roses and chocolate!!! Ugh, I'm sick of it. The women aren't happy which leads to the household being unhappy: all because the man wants to live in a fantasy world. Well, I have news for him! it doesn't work that way! HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP!!!!
ReplyDeleteThere is a Saudi journalist who is asking for FOUR husbands. Please visit this link:(http://www.almasry-alyoum.com/article2.aspx?ArticleID=236320)
ReplyDelete... I think a polygamous society just underlines the inequality there still is between sexes.
ReplyDeleteComing from a society where men and women are mostly treated as equals (but sometimes to the advantage of men, and sometimes to the advantage of women) I cannot understand why any woman would agree to being in a marriage where there is more than 1 wife. To me it is very disrespectful to the women. (and personally I believe a relationship is more fun to both a man and a women when women are truly seen as equals)
I think women can play a very important role in changing this situation by simple collectively agreeing to divorce (this is allowed right?) the husband if he takes on a second wife and never to be a second wife herself whatever the consequences. However, these women will probably not benefit from these actions themselves as it might take several generations to changes attitudes. But, their drive might be to make a personal 'sacrifice' in order for their daughters and nieces to live in a world where a marriage between a man and a women is equal.
I wish these brave women strength in making a change happen.
LOL cool it Nadia! I'm sure you'll marry a non-traditional guy (because you're very open-minded) and hence you don't have to worry about him being a polygamist ;)
ReplyDeleteBut I do notice that uproar in regards to this topic usually comes from single women, more than married ones. Is it because they're worried about their future? Or is it that married women trust their husbands and don't feel threatened by this issue? Just interested...
Anyhow, I think the solution lies in educating both sexes about marriage, and teaching them proper solutions to any marital problems they're facing - rather than divorce or polygamy!
this isnt just the case in oman.....most muslim countries face this issue.....islam has put forward conditions for having more then one wives.....but the problem is that men give no thought to the conditions and end up destroying many lives......
ReplyDeleteI just laughed when I read that article - clearly the author is a lazy journalist that's just making up his sources/manipulating sources in order to push his droll and get his word quota up.
ReplyDeleteCheer up girls of Oman, you've got it better than most of the other women in this region.
Good blog.
ReplyDeleteYes, problem does not rely in polygamy itself but men of today.
I'm one of the victims of having a father marrying a 2nd wife. He knows nothing about me. He knows nothing about my 10-year-old health problems. He does not know in which schools I studied, or what I study. He does not know I feel unsecure. If my sister and I misbehaved he blames my mother, as if he is not responsible for rearing us too. My poor sister suffers from psycological problems which sometimes cause her to do or say unpleasant things. He calls that قلة أدب only. I'm the only person who understands her, and I believe it was because of him.
I did not forget what he has done for us anyway, which makes me try to forgive him.
Go to hell, stupid irresponsible Omani men.
I think that the fact he doesn't express an opinion but gives voice to people and reports events which are maybe affecting a minority or just rural areas, is important because leads people to meditate without manipulating people's minds like some journalists or editorialists do
ReplyDeleteHe highlights small realities, which is why people are mad at him, but they have their own importance because they're part of the country and needs to be taken in consideration
wow! looks like this 'journalist' touched a nerve. many sisters out there furious and u got all the right to fume but remember not all men r into polygamy and injustice. I think culture is to blame partially for this. am surprised hw easy it is for a guy to get hooked in this region. I stand to be corrected but they jst pick a relative and there u go (arranged marriage). obviously after a few years the guy is bored and starts looking for a second wife ('love' marriage). Usually guys around here get married relatively young. I wonder hw these guys find it easy to marry 1,2,3 wives. am still struggling to pick a princess and am already 29 :(
ReplyDeleteThe age group of men who have co-wives is different than the age group of men who divorce their wives.
ReplyDeleteThe two facts are not related at all.
I found this post on an American blog about it. What do you think: http://www.divorcesaloon.com/oman-divorce-rates-fall-in-oman-as-husbands-take-second-wives
ReplyDeleteHere is another link for a Saudi Journalist supporting Polygamy
ReplyDeletehttp://www.news-sa.com/snews/348-----q-q---------------.html
Hello girls.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, but I don't think we have the right to say something like polygamy is not acceptible in Oman anymore. How much stupid men are counts, but we shouldn't forget the fact it exits as a way to organize society. It's the psychology and physiology of men. At least, the polygamy here is not the polygamy in one the Tibet cultures, where a woman marries more than one man.
Just pray things become better in our societies.
Guyz I have heard that one of the Khimji's has married a lady from royal family of Oman??
ReplyDeleteIs that true??
Khimji Ramdas's guy has married a royal family lady??
does any know anythin about this??
will appreciate the reply??
Nadia I await your reply on the above question
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteIt is none of my business who marries who. Does it matter? Is it THAT important? Don't think so. It's their personal life.
yeah well if it doesnt matter to you a befitting reply should be "You do not know anything about it"
ReplyDeletenot all this crap that you have posted.
Well, you should post a 'befitting' reply on my article. I was writing about polygamy & divorce. Stick to the topic please. Random questions can be sent by email.
ReplyDeletelol the writer may be right, now the first wife will try to treat the husband better and the second wife will be afraid of a third one. That is in case the first wife still wants to be with her husband. Personally, I'm pro polygamy if there is a real sound reason. However I'm against those who marry for the sake of feeling younger or coz they are bored with their wives especially if the wife had been a good person and is good with him and with the kids. Anyhow, having a second wife is better than cheating on the first wife with the house maid.
ReplyDeleteNice article Nadia, it's nice to see that some people are thinking with their heads. I also fail to see how polygamy would help lower divorce rates. Divorces in the U.S. are already complicated as it is, I couldn’t imagine what they would be like if polygamy caught on here.
ReplyDelete- dadsdivorce.com